Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

What is your best gay fantasy?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

How can I help my cat adjust to sleeping in its own room after allowing it to sleep with us as a kitten?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t buy bullshit

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Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have complete contempt for fakery

Can you explain the difference between being a conservative Republican and a liberal Democrat? Can you provide some examples of their ideologies?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Why would my nipples hurt when I touch them?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Is it possible for humans to determine their past life as an animal? Is there a scientific method to prove this?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I see through liars

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Short story writers, what is your favorite character you've created and do they appear in more than one of your works?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I'm pretty sure that my dog is transgender, how would I go about transitioning it?

I have a reading level above third grade

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I can count

Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

What is the best way to keep my vagina clean and fresh?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I can read

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for traitorism

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP